A yearly tradition at BC Interruption has begun: the celebration of Festivus. This pseduo-holiday is based on the 90's sitcom Seinfeld, which was created by George Costanza's father as an alternative to Christmas and Hanukkah. The basic tenets of Festivus are the following:
1. The Festivus Pole...unadorned of course.
2. Festivus Dinner
3. The Airing of Grievances...Basically airing out anyone who got on your nerves the past year.
4. Feats of Strength
Here at BC Interruption we want to be inclusive to all people, so for those of you that want to celebrate a BC Inspired Festivus, here is how we would do it.
1. Festivus Pole
Find yourself an 9 foot high steel pole and shove it in a Christmas tree stand. Unlike other holidays it needs to be unadorned. But to give this a BC flair, you need to find all the things at BC that are bare and tape it to the pole such as an indoor practice facility, the new baseball stadium, and a package of sushi from Alumni Stadium.
2. Festivus Dinner
The dinner has to be about the anger and despair you are about to feel later so may I suggest a trip to Lower for some late night. Make sure to run up to the stations and order yourself some of the greasiest food you can imagine such as chicken fingers, chicken poppers, mozzarella sticks, pizza, french fries and whatever other food you will immediately regret eating, because let's face it, you aren't 20 anymore and that food will inevitably napalm your digestive tract. To wash down that smorgasbord of bad news, head out to the Meatball stand outside of Lower (which is inevitably closed 364 days out of the year). Order yourself a cup o' meatballs, throw it in a blender, jam a straw in that meat shake and voila! You have yourself a Festivus feast!
3. Airing of Grievances
Grab your fellow BC fans, and family, and after downing a few of my beers of the game which should loosen your filter, start your airing of grievances. If the people are not around, you have this new joyous invention called the internet that makes all of these people come right to your fingertips. Here are some possible ones (don't say I never gave you anything).
1. Sonny Milano, I get that you want to get your career going, but could you not have HOSED OUR PROGRAM??!!!
2. Hey Whale Pants, it's a Football/Hockey/Basketball game, either STAND UP WHEN BIG THINGS HAPPEN OR WATCH THE GAME AT HOME ON YOUR TELEVISION WHERE YOU CAN SIT ALL YOU WANT!!!!
3. For the love of all things holy can we please get rid of the SESAME SEED PRETZELS AND GIVE US MORE OPTIONS FOR FOOD THAT WE WOULD ACTUALLY FIND AT A FOOTBALL GAME?
4. Hey New Guy, can we PLEASE CUT OFF HD (HOT TAKES GUY) AFTER THE FIRST TWENTY MINUTES OF HIS RAMBLING DURING THE PODCAST?
5. AJ: Look, PUT DOWN THE DR.DRE AND PUBLIC ENEMY AND INVEST IN SOME CLASSIC ROCK AND METALLICA FOR GOD'S SAKE.
6. Steve Addazio: We love you dude, but FIND US A KICKER WHO CAN KICK SOMETHING THAT EVERYONE ELSE CAN SUCCESSFULLY DO 97% OF THE TIME!
7. BC Students: I know you love your books and your studying, but SHOW UP TO THE GAMES AND STAY THE WHOLE GAME!!!
8. Brian: Where is Jeff and what did you do with him?
9. BCI: Can we make it through 2015 without pissing off more than three fanbases?
10. Grant: Thank you for making a weekly trail of tears post, but can WE STOP FEATURING THE HUSKIES?
11. For all of ya'll praying for HUCKA CHUCKA FOOTBALL? Yeah, I'm sure BC will just disregard 12 weeks of football and systemically change their offense for the bowl game.
4. Feats of Strength
After you got all of your anger out it's time to see some feats of strength. May I suggest finding Steve Addazio and Jim Christian and pumping some iron with them? After a few hours of that and you should have transformed from a flabby basement dweller to a true dude. And if you start to fail, just have Addazio scream and yell at you and he's sure to break whatever resistance you have.
If you follow these four simple steps you will have a very BC Interruption Festivus, and make the Costanza Family Proud. Happy Festivus to the rest of us!
Be sure to air your grievances in the comment section.