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Tears Of Unfathomable Sadness, Volume 1

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If only there were a German word for taking enjoyment in the misfortune of others

Matt Cashore-USA TODAY Sports

Welcome, welcome, to a new series here at BCI. We'll round up the past week's worth of news about our rivals that makes us happy at their expense, all in one place. Who doesn't like a little schadenfreude?

This week is a bit slow, as the college sports season hasn't really kicked off yet, but we've found a few goodies for you to get us started.

We kick things off with the biggest news of the last few weeks -- a bit of luster coming off those golden domes at Notre Dame.

Go ahead and refer to it as "academic fraud" that multiple Notre Dame football players are being investigated for, which is to cheating what "pre-owned" is to the used car.

In short, several Notre Dame football players (among other students) were caught submitting papers that were written by someone else. Deadspin, as the website that revealed Manti Te'o's fake girlfriend hoax to the world, always does a great job for those of us who like to enjoy a little Notre Dame misfortune. This article is a must-read.

Leave it to Notre Dame to take a cheating scandal and somehow use it to buff its own halo ... Here they are in The New York Times, crying, "Gosh, this is so unlike us!" Listen, I have heard Joe Theismann speak on national television. You don't have to be a genius to get yourself an ND diploma. It's Purdue with nicer helmets.

Poetry.

Next up we have UConn head coach Bob Diaco.

You may remember Bob Diaco as That Guy You Freaked Out About That Brad Bates Didn't Hire To Coach BC Football. He hasn't coached a quarter for the Huskies yet, but he's already making us feel good about Addazio.

Here's Coach Yakko with his bizarre announcement of who is going to be the starting QB in Storrs East Hartford:

The dynamic of starting Casey with Chandler coming into play utilizes both of them as a plus as for our subtotal to add up to more, rather than putting a plus on the shelf -- the intangible piece for Casey -- and just adding one plus to the element. We feel like the subtotal would have been less in that dynamic

What?

It's a pretty long video (almost 8 minutes) but if you want to see someone rambling on painfully about something ... important? presumably?, it's worth a listen. It's just brutal. The whole thing.

Another thing -- Casey Cochran, on the left, was named the starter. Why is Chandler Whitmer even there? His role is to sit at this press conference (this awful press conference) and sit there looking stoic while his coach talks about how he's not the starter.

Man, it's brutal.

And finally, how could we get through our first week without mention of our first football opponent of the year? UMass announced this week that their prized recruit -- 4 star running back Drew Harris -- had left the program.

The four-star recruit was rated as the No. 22 running back in the country in the Class of 2012. With offers from, among others, Arizona State, Arkansas, Georgia, Miami, Michigan State, Penn State, South Carolina and West Virginia, the Pennsylvania native [originally] signed with Virginia Tech.

...Yikes. That's quite an offer sheet.

Unfortunately, Harris failed to qualify academically and spent 2012 and 2013 at a prep school and a New York JUCO, respectively ... There was some concern that Harris may not qualify academically at UMass, however, although it’s unclear if that aspect played a role in the departure.

You couldn't get into ... UMass? Well isn't that unfortunate.

That wraps up our first week. We should have plenty to talk about next time around, with college football kicking off this weekend. Let me be the first to predict that UConn will lose to BYU by 5 scores.