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The Idiot’s Guide to Week 2

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COLLEGE FOOTBALL: SEP 04 Holy Cross at UConn Photo by Williams Paul/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images

Well, the first week of football was wonderfully crazy. FCS teams beating FBS teams, Florida State putting Notre Dame on the ropes, and even a great defensive matchup for the inside track to the College Football Playoff.

But now it’s Week 2, and that means that, well, the games aren’t going to be quite as fun. Let’s get through it together.

Friday

Coastal Carolina over Kansas: I know Kansas is a basketball school and everything, but how crazy is it that a Sun Belt team is such a prohibitive favorite over a Power 5 team? I hope Coastal Carolina becomes a football juggernaut in the Sun Belt, because let’s face it, I think the sport needs that right now.

Duke over North Carolina A&T

Utah State over K-Mart Brand Notre Dame

Boise State over UTEP

Saturday

Virginia over Illinois: College football? In the morning? On the east coast? Did we lose a war?

Army over Western Kentucky

Kent State over VMI

Ohio State over Oregon: I don’t care about the Fox vs. ESPN stuff that’s been permeating college football, but if I need to pick sides it’s hard not to pick the network that consistently puts on great matchups week after week. Well, until I remember that network employs Clay Travis anyway.

Auburn over Alabama State

South Carolina over @ East Carolina

Pittsburgh over @ Tennessee

Georgia Tech over Kennesaw State: A program that loses two buy games in a year really ought to start from scratch.

Wake Forest over Norfolk State

Michigan State over Youngstown State

Minnesota over the Colder Miami

Northwestern over Indiana State

Oklahoma State over Tulsa

Florida over @ USF: See, this is what I’m talking about. This is a thoroughly uninteresting game, and yet it’s on ABC. Do better, Mickey.

Tulane over Morgan State

Northern Illinois over Wyoming

Virginia Tech over Middle Tennessee

Rutgers over @ Syracuse: Ok, I’ll bite on the Rutgers hype train. Sure. What could go wrong?

Ohio over Duquesne

Notre Dame over Toledo: Notre Dame has such an unnecessary place of privilege in college football, and all you need to see to prove that is that after the Irish nearly blew a game they should have had no problems with against a good but not great Florida State team, they went up a spot in the rankings. Rankings are stupid and everything, but they get every benefit of the doubt that can be afforded. Gotta make sure you get that football watching Peacock crowd. No, but actually, the Notre Dame game is on Peacock this week. Yes, the streaming service.

Purdue over UConn: Delete your program, UConn. But, like, unironically. Like we’re actually worried about you.

Central Michigan over Robert Morris

Georgia over UAB: This is actually a better matchup than I thought, which means Georgia should only win by like 30.

Texas A&M over Colorado

Cincinnati over Murray State

Penn State over Ball State

Georgia Southern over @ Florida Atlantic

Boston College over @ UMass: I don’t know in what world a singular UMass football game is worth a Pay-Per-View price of $19.99, but it’s definitely not this one.

Nebraska over Buffalo

Cal over TCU

Akron over Temple

Air Force over @ Navy

Alabama over Mercer: Arguable if Mercer could put up a better fight than Miami.

Bowling Green over South Alabama

Iowa over @ Iowa State: This, my friends, is going to be the most relevant thing that has ever happened in Iowa in a non-election year. Dare I say it’s must-see TV.

Clemson over South Carolina State

West Virginia over LIU

Western michigan over Illinois State

Charlotte over Gardner-Webb

UTSA over Lamar

Washington State over Portland State

Marshall over North Carolina Central

Houston over @ Rice

UCF over Bethune-Cookman

Oklahoma over Western Carolina: I wonder which of those games I straight up ignored is going to be the most tolerable to watch.

Texas over @ Arkansas: I had to double check that this was, in fact, a Power 5 matchup, Woo, pig.

Wisconsin over Eastern Michigan

Miami over Appalachian State

NC State over Mississippi State

Louisiana tech over SE Louisiana

SMU over North Texas

Old Dominion over Hampton

Southern Miss over Let’s Face It You Don’t Care About This Game

Louisville over Eastern kentucky

Liberty over @ Troy

Baylor over Texas Southern

Kansas State over Oh My God How Many More of These Are There

Texas Tech over Stephen F Austin

Memphis over Arkansas State

Louisiana over Nicholls

New Mexico over Other New Mexico

Ole Miss over Austin Peay

North Carolina over Georgia State: Really hoping there’s going to be a game worth caring about somewhere in here.

Kentucky over Missouri: Still looking.

Indiana over Idaho

Maryland over Howard

LSU over McNeese

Florida State over Jacksonville State: FSU is by no means a sympathetic team to root for, but by golly that kicking miscue robbed us of a wonderful story, and I hope for nothing but success on all game dates that aren’t November 20.

Michigan over Washington

Vanderbilt and Colorado State are playing each other, and I honestly don’t know who to pick. They are both terrible.

San Diego State over @ Arizona

Fresno State over Cal Poly

Utah over @ BYU

USC over Stanford: I’m happy that Stanford may not have the best year this year.Something has to keep that university grounded.

Arizona State over UNLV

Nevada over Idaho State

Oregon State over Hawai’i