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The Idiot’s Guide to Week 1

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COLLEGE FOOTBALL: AUG 28 Nebraska at Illinois

Last year was a little weird, with COVID-19 causing a number of game cancellations, games needing to played without fans, and a number of conferences deciding to play football in the spring.

But this year is different! The vaccine has restored at least a shred of normalcy, programs and conferences know how to handle COVID outbreaks, fans are largely allowed to come back, and the familiar sense of optimism is back.

So finally, we can have a normal year without any major things happen- OH MY GOD THE CONFERENCES ARE ON FIRE AGAIN.

The Idiot’s Guide to Week 1

Thursday

Rutgers over Temple: What has happened to Temple? Like five years ago the program was at an all time high, College Gameday was on Independence Mall, and anyone who lived within a 50 mile radius of North Philly suddenly became a Temple fan. Now the Owls are underdogs against Rutgers. Ooof.

Coastal Carolina over The Citadel

FIU over LIU

UCF over Boise State: You know you have a dumb name for your stadium when you put the name in Google the results don’t even have the stadium on the first page.

Ball State over Wester Illinois

Buffalo over Wagner

Utah over Weber State

NC State over South Florida

Appalachian State over East Carolina: Clearly the most important game being played at Bank of America Stadium this week.

Tulsa over UC Davis

Ohio State over @ Minnesota: I’ve gone back and forth about whether this game will be good. I’ll say that it will be.

Tennessee over Bowling Green

Western Kentucky over UT Martin

New Mexico over Houston Baptist

Eastern Washingotn over @ UNLV

Arizona State over Southern Utah: Does the new alliance mean we have to start caring about the Pac-12 now?

Friday

North Carolina over @ Va. Tech

Duke over @ Charlotte: How did Duke get forced to go on the road for this one.

Wake Forest over Old Dominion

St. Francis over @ Eastern Michigan: Literally had to Google which one was the FCS program.

Kansas over South Dakota

Northwestern over Michigan State

Colorado over A Different Colorado

Colorado State over South Dakota State

Saturday

In lieu of a pick for Oklahoma/Tulane, here’s how you can donate to Hurricane Ida relief.

Wisconsin over Penn State: I see you, Big Ten!

Kentucky over UL Monroe

Boston College over Colgate: I plan to watch literally an hour of this game, and I don’t anticipate missing anything important.

Michigan over Western Michigan

Holy Cross over @ UConn: I will believe this UConn team can win a game when I see it.

Stanford over @ K-State

Army over @ Georgia State

Nebraska over Fordham

Oregon over Fresno State: Having to establish a contingency for when your field is too hot and cleats might melt is a perfectly normal thing to do, right?

Rice over Arkansas

Air Force over Lafayette

Alabama over Miami: This is one of two games that confuses me as to why it was scheduled this week. Like, everyone knows that this will be a decent game right? Is that even allowed this early in the season. And don’t give me the “well, actually, there are usually good games the first week,” because they are never actually that good.

Cincinnati over Miami: I’m not going to distinguish the Miami schools, you can figure it out for yourselves.

Indiana over Iowa

Navy over Marshall

West Virginia over @ Maryland

Mississippi State over Louisiana Tech

Mizzou over Central Michigan

Pittsburgh over UConn Plus

Wyoming over Montana State

Iowa State over Directional Iowa

Louisiana over @ Texas: Texas rode Oklahoma’s coattails into the SEC and no one will be able to convince me otherwise.

USC over San Jose State

Liberty over Campbell

Georgia Southern over Gardner-Webb

Auburn over Akron: Is it bad when a whole lot of newspapers are dragging your first year coach because he is so ambivalent about vaccines?

South Carolina over Eastern Illinois

Monmouth over @ Middle Tennessee

Syracuse over @ Ohio

Purdue over Oregon State

Texas Tech over @ Houston: This counts as a meeting of the Texas non-SEC support group.

Oklahoma State over Missouri State

Baylor over Texas State

Memphis over Nicholls

SMU over Albeline Christian

Toledo over Norfolk State

Arkansas State over Central Arkansas

Troy over Southern

Clemson over Georgia: Man, it’s almost unfair that this game is being played, neither of these teams should have their playoff hopes dashed this early in the season. Oh, they’re still going to be considered anyway? K.

Florida over Florida Atlantic

Directional Texas over Generic Directional

Illinois over UTSA

Virginia over William and Mary

Texas A&M over Kent State

Washington over Montana

Vanderbilt over East Tennessee

Southern Miss over @ South Alabama

TCU over Duquesne

LSU over @ UCLA: Here’s how you can donate to Hurricane Ida relief.

UTEP over Bethune-Cookman

California over Nevada

Arizona over BYU

San Diego State over New Mexico State

Utah State over Washington State: How does one get sued by a former player? You should ask Washington State’s coach.

Hawai’i over Portland State: A game that can only be described as being technically played on Saturday. No, really, it’s scheduled for 11:59 PM EDT Saturday.

Sunday

Notre Dame over @ Florida State: Vomit.

Monday

Louisville over Ole Miss: Also kind of vomit.