The Idiots Guide to Rivalry Week

Well folks, we made it to the last week of the regular season, non Army-Navy category. That, of course, means we’re going onto RIVALRY WEEK Y’ALL.

Rivalry Games

The Egg Bowl: Mississippi State over Ole Miss

Ah yes, what better way to spend Thanksgiving Day than watching some good ole’ Mississippi footbaw. These teams hate each other so much, a fan from one team snitched on the other which resulted in Hugh Freeze getting fired, a literal brawl happened last year, and the SEC commissioner had to have a meeting in order for the teams to not beat on each other this year. And the funniest thing is that neither of these teams are all that good historically. Biggest benefit of this game is to see future BC coach (wink wink) Joe Moorhead in action.

Commonwealth Cup: Virginia over Va. Tech

Never forget

Apple Cup: Washington over Wazzu

The Game: Ohio State over Michigan

Seriously, I know this is a written contract, but can the Big 10 figure out a way to get its most important games not at noon? Last week’s primetime games really sucked despite possibly the best matchup of the year being played that week.

Palmetto Bowl: Clemson over South Carolina

Maybe Georgia fans can stop bellyaching over Clemson’s cupcake schedule when Clemson transitively beats them this week.

Clean Old Fashioned Hate: Georgia over Georgia Tech

Lawrence Cager is clearly very seriously hurt in a way that will significantly compromise the Dawgs’ future and that should terrify everyone in Athens.

Governor’s Cup: Louisville over Kentucky

Iron Bowl: Alabama over Auburn

The fact that Alabama is ranked below Georgia shows that strength of schedule means nothing in the face of recency bias.

Paul Bunyan’s Axe: Minnesota over Wisconsin

Can we talk about how awesome it is that the trophy in this game is a literal axe. Think about the possibilities of spicing up otherwise boring rivalry trophies with a weapon. Seriously go do that now in the comments.

Civil War: Oregon over Oregon State

Not the Civil Conflict, so not interested.

Sunshine Showdown: Florida over Florida State

It’s called the Sunshine Showdown because the Bath Salts Brawl didn’t make it past the censor.

Bedlam Series: Oklahoma over Oklahoma State

Two teams enter, both teams presumably play defense but it’s the Big 12 so it’s unclear.

Territorial Cup: Arizona State over Arizona

The Games Not Cool Enough To Be Rivalries

Texas over Texas Tech

Buffalo over Bowling Green

Eastern Michigan over Kent State

Odd scheduling for MAC games is less cool when everyone else is doing it.

Miami over Ball State

Central Michigan over Toledo

Iowa over Nebraska

Missouri over Arkansas

Guys can you announce if Missouri is going to be participating in the post season you’re literally going to kill Grant.

Memphis over Cincinnati

Boise State over Colorado State

TCU over West Virginia

The Best Football Team in Arkansas over South Alabama

Appalachian State over Troy

UCF over USF

Go Florida Directional!

Texas State over Coastal Carolina

East Carolina over Tulsa

Marshall over Florida International

Northwestern over Illinois

Indiana over Purdue

Yeah, ok, this is a rivalry. But also I don’t care about these teams so we’re at an impasse.

Wake Forest over Syracuse

Western Kentucky over Middle Tennessee

Old Dominion over Charlotte

Air Force over Wyoming

New Mexico State over Liberty

Rice over UTEP

UNLV over Nevada

Baylor over Kansas

A potentially huge matchup for the College Football Playoff that could determine which three SEC teams are going to make the tournament.

Penn State over Rutgers

It was so satisfying to see Ohio State nail the coffin in Penn State’s CFP hopes last week and I don’t care how bad of a person it makes me to say it.

Temple over UConn

Southern Miss over FAU

La. Tech over UTSA

Boston College over Pittsburgh

Steve Addazio shaved his mustache! Clearly this is the turnaround that we’ve all been waiting for.

Duke over Miami

Michigan State over Maryland

Notre Dame over Stanford

Vanderbilt over Tennessee

Neither of teams are worth your time.

UAB over North Texas

Utah State over New Mexico

SMU over Tulane

SMU definitely didn’t have the season they looked like they could have, but there is a lot of reason to have their heads held high. The program is just some stability away from being someone to be a consistent threat. That’s good news for football.

Georgia State over Georgia Southern

Shocker in Statesboro is my personal pick for headline.

LSU over Texas A&M

Iowa State over K-State

Navy over Houston

North Carolina over North Carolina State

Because someone needs to win this game, right?

Utah over Colorado

Louisiana over UL Monroe

San Diego over BYU

Cal over UCLA

San Jose State over Fresno State

Army over Hawai’i