Playa Haters Ball: Purdue Edition

Welcome back to the BCI Playa Haters Ball, where every week we beat on another opponent like AJ Dillon treated UConn at Fenway Park. Today we are going to address Purdue, a school BC has never played, but trust me, we still don’t like them. Let’s fire up the hate machine and get this thing cranking.

First off let’s talk location, the Purdue Boilermakers are located in Indiana, a state that produced Larry Bird and literally nothing else of note in professional sports. They have the Pacers, a team that Paul George couldn’t get away from fast enough, and the Colts who once won an “AFC Runner Up” banner after getting trucked by Tom Brady and the Patriots. Clearly winning isn’t necessarily in their blood over there. But, Indiana is a rich state in terms of college sports teams. There is Notre Dame which is vastly superior to Purdue in football and basketball, Indiana which is vastly superior to Purdue in basketball and Butler, which, wait for it, is vastly superior to Purdue in basketball. The Boilermakers are basically the low man on the totem pole in sports in their state, they are basically the UMass of the state of Indiana.

But on to the football team. The program is feeling pretty good about their new head coach Jeff Brohm, who took Purdue from 3-9 to 7-6 in just one year. That sounds familiar.... He runs a fun offensive scheme, and has fans buzzing. But we all know how this one will end. Brohm will either be figured out by B1G defenses and smashed into a million pieces by Urban Meyer and Jim Harbaugh, or he will be successful and poached in two years when Tennessee or Florida fires their 10th coach in 12 years. Then Purdue will be right back with another Darrell Hazell. Have fun with that Purdue.

But last year definitely was a step in the right direction for the Purdue program. They beat Iowa, Indiana, Minnesota and Illinois. But they lost to Rutgers. Yes, that Rutgers. Losing to the Scarlet Knights is like making the NFL playoffs but losing to the Cleveland Browns. Yeah, you feel good about how the season, but man there is a stink on it that you can’t wash off.

And let’s not forget Purdue Pete, the Boilermakers mascot. This soulless, dead eyed fiend looks like the long lost nephew of the Wake Forest mascot. Pete is basically a six foot tall Pop Funko figure of the construction worker from the Village People. I guess Purdue deserves credit for improving the Pete mascot because he once looked like a 1950’s donut shop mascot, and another looks like what I would have made if my 6th grade art teacher told me to make a paper maiche sculpture of Dan Akroyd.

Purdue does have one really famous alumni in the NFL. That of course is New Orlean Saints quarterback Drew Brees. He seems like a nice enough guy, one who looks like superman in the Superdome, but turns into Jay Cutler when he plays out in the open air. For a guy that has thrown for roughly a billion yards, and has been in the NFL since 2001 he has been to the Super Bowl exactly once. You would figure a guy so prolific would trip into the Super Bowl more than once, but he hasn’t. Just as a reference point, Eli Manning has been twice and he is hot garbage.

In conclusion, yes Purdue we as BC fans don’t know you very well. In two months we will open a chapter and face off, and all the best to you. However the hate will be real, and I wish nothing but the worst to you and your program.