Playa Haters Ball 2018: NC State Edition

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, let’s sit down and talk about our guest of honor today the N.C. State Wolfpack. Now, this is a school that has had a lot of history in the ACC, and some very big moments the past decade, including being named the “Dark Horse of the Conference” 10 times in a row by ESPN! That is amazing, look at you! Look, you beat us at home last year, barely, and only after our starting quarterback’s leg fell apart on a freak non-contact injury. But yeah, Bradley Chubb spin-aroonie all you want.

Last year was a high point for NC State as they finished 9-4, a big jump after approximately 25 straight years of going 7-6 (#DazGoals). Ryan Finley is a nice enough quarterback, a game manager who doesn’t do anything exceptional but does a lot of things pretty well. He is cruising to become the next Mike Glennon. Jaylen Samuels is in the NFL now, where he will probably start until Laveon Bell decides to return and then he will never see a touch again. Running back Nyheim Hines is off to the Colts, a team that hasn’t run the ball in 20 years.

Where are they this year? Well, basically half the team graduated, and the defense is barren, but hey they have youth!

Clearly NC State’s biggest moment against Boston College was snatching the Notorious Tom O’Brien away from the Eagles. How did that work out? He went 40-36, and 22-26 in conference. His shining moment was telling Russell Wilson he had no room on the roster for him because he needed to give the reigns to Mike Glennon and forced the Pro Bowl QB to transfer to Wisconsin where he promptly broke the record for best passer rating in a season, and almost won the Rose Bowl by himself. That is like passing up on the opportunity to direct George Clooney so that you can work with Kevin James. Congratulations on that one, you really stuck it to the Eagles.

While there have been some pretty awesome NC State alumni such as Torry Holt, Spud Webb and Zach Galifianakas, there have been some absolutely wretched ones as well. There is John Tesh, the melted vanilla ice cream of music, Mario Williams who was a great player in the NFL when he wanted to be, but then got that sweet sweet paycheck and HELLO TIME TO CHILLAXE. And finally, there is John Edwards, who politics aside had an affair while his wife was battling cancer. Oof.

So can Boston College beat the Wolfpack? The game is at Carter Finley Stadium, scary, so they have that going for them. But if that means the Wolfpack faithful get to watch a bunch of freshmen and sophomores try and arm tackle AJ Dillon for 4 quarters, I am totally on board for that, because NC State? We hate you.