- Hooter the Temple Owl: He only sort of looks like an owl but he’s so angry and I love it. I also appreciate his silver beak.
2. Baldwin the Eagle: We are biased, but Baldwin is a great mascot. He’s clearly an eagle, he’s approachable to kids but still fierce. He hits all the marks.
3. Big Red the Western Kentucky Hilltopper: He’s a giant red blob monster/hilltop. He goes to animal shelters and makes friends with cats. What’s not to love?
4. Rally the Vermont Catamount: Rally looks a little weird at first, but he also proportionally actually looks like a mountain lion. He’s a totally acceptable mascot.
5. Marquette Golden Eagle: Sure, I’m biased. But I think this is objectively a worse eagle than Baldwin. It does look like a golden eagle though.
6. Bruiser the Baylor Bear: This is clearly a bear. And he’s an intimidating but not terrifying bear. However, it freaks me out a little that he appears to be a buff bear?
7. Tommy the USC Trojan: His body is terrible, but I like that he looks straight out of Looney Tunes.
8. The Hampton Pirate: He’s kind of terrifying but I also kind of like him. But I wish a) he wore something other than a t-shirt and b) his hands matched his face.
9. AJ the Rider Bronco: This is...fine. He’s intimidating but not horrifying, which is a plus. But his color scheme is boring.
10. Roomie the SE Louisiana Lion: Roomie would be significantly higher if he had a normal mane and not a GOATEE.
11. Louisville Cardinal: Why does he look so aggressively mad? Yes, the Temple owl is mad, but he makes it work. I think this guy’s eyes and teeth just make him look more insane.
12. Harry the Washington Husky: This is straight up a fursuit, not a mascot costume. Those are not the same thing. But it’s definitely a husky and also points for real husky.
13. Viktor E. Viking of Northern Kentucky: Human mascots are not the best in general. This one isn’t as horrifying as many human mascots are, but there is no way to compete with cool animal mascots, sorry.
14. Lightning the Blue Raider: This is tacky but I respect that.
15. Gunrock the UC Davis Mustang: Basically the exact same mascot as Lightning, but with creepy teeth.
16. Donald the Oregon Duck: This is not Donald Duck. This duck looks like he wants to murder me. I’ll stick to Disney World. But points for creepiness.
17. Wagner Seahawk: This looks like a very amateur mascot. Not a great costume. (There is also very little photographic evidence of him, so IDK how much he is actually used?)
18. Bully the Mississippi State Bulldog: Oof Bully’s face is rough. Stick to the real bulldog, Mississippi State. The real bulldog is a 10/10.
19. Rocky the UNC Asheville Bulldog: Oh no. I hate this why is his mouth gaping open for eternity like that. But at least it is cute is an unsettling way?
20. Buster the Boise State Bronco: There is something slightly off-putting about Buster, but I can’t but my finger on it? Maybe the fact that he just has one long tooth with no dividing lines?
21. Swoop the Red-tailed Hawk of Utah: Why is it so hard for people to make a good bird mascot suit?? This kinda looks like a hawk/sparrow hybrid.
22. The Notre Dame Leprechaun: This is just a man in a green suit.
23. Herbie the Nebraska Husker: Wow I truly feel like he is stealing my soul through the screen of my laptop. I respect that he is a nightmare, but I never want to see him again!
24. The Penn State Nittany Lion: Are we sure this is a cougar and not a bear? Also why does his neck flap always go over everything? He upsets me.
25. Azul the Florida Gulf Coast Eagle: Are we sure this isn’t a crazed seagull?
26. Cosmo the BYU Cougar: WHY DOES HE HAVE A WERECOUGAR-LIKE FACE I don’t like it he looks vaguely humanoid. NO THANKS.
27. Pistol Pete of Oklahoma State: ....no.
28. The St. Mary’s Gael: Wow every time I think the mascots can’t get worse, they do.
29. Mike the LSU Tiger: This isn’t a terribly offensive tiger costume, but it isn’t great. But LSU loses because it is absolutely unacceptable that the university has a live tiger mascot.
(Harvard doesn’t have a real mascot, so they lose.)
(It seems as though Cayenne has been retired by Louisiana, which is a travesty.)
(The Stanford Tree is the unofficial winner because it is terrifying and amazing, but it changes too often to really rank it.)
How wrong am I? Let me know in the comments! But I won’t change my mind.