Breaking: Athlon Sports Ranks Boston College Football Last In Conference In Every Category, Ever

This is becoming a bit of a running joke around these parts.

To pass the time during the summer dead period, Athlon Sports has compiled a number of different lists -- the latest in slideshow form, obvi -- ranking the ACC's 14 football programs in a range of categories. The categories range from everything from QBs to coaches to uniforms. Regardless of category, you can be sure that BC will fall somewhere in the 12-14 range.

Ranking the ACC's football stadiums? BC would rank 12 of 14, behind nondescript, half-full NFL stadiums in Pittsburgh and Miami and even Maryland's Byrd Stadium (what the F?).

How about the ACC's coaches for 2013? Addazio checks in at no. 13, ahead of only Syracuse's Scott Shafer and two spots below fellow first-year coach Dave Doeren at N.C. State.

The ACC's college football jobs? 12th, since "as the Northernmost outpost* in the ACC, Boston College will always have a difficult time recruiting players from outside its region." Steve Addazio does not deal in absolutes.

Running backs? Senior Andre Williams ranks 15th (of 20). I suppose we should be honored that we cracked the top 20 in this category.

Quarterbacks? Chase Rettig would not be denied! Still, the Eagles' senior signal caller ranks 8th best in the conference behind first-year starters Jameis Winston (potential tho) and Vad Lee, who gained valuable playing time as a freshman.

The latest rankings on the ACC's 2013 football uniforms are in, and BC, predictably, ranks DFL -- 14 of 14.

The alternates shown here are pretty slick but is [sic] the best this team will ever look. The maroon tops and gold pants are a bit antiquated. And the helmets literally have nothing on them. The problem is Boston College isn't a great school to try new, edgy looks, so the Eagles may be stuck with what they have.

Aside: Could you make the trolling a little more subtle next time? "Golden Eagles" not once but twice on a single slide?

Meanwhile, the maroon tops and gold pants down in Tallahassee garnered the Seminoles a number 2 ranking on this list (behind only Virginia Tech?). So we've gone from "classically popular" to "a bit antiquated" in a single color scheme. Basically, about the only consistency with these meaningless rankings is the consistent dumping on the Eagles football program.

And that's cool, I guess. Got to sell magazines and attract all those internet eyeballs. But because I care and your time is valuable, I've gone ahead and compiled the rankings for the remaining categories Athlon Sports will undoubtedly hit before the summer's out.

Ranking the ACC's wide receivers for 2013

15 (of 20). Alex Amidon, Boston College. Despite finishing in second in the conference in total receiving yards in 2012, the Boston College program has never been known for producing quality players at the skill positions.

Ranking the ACC's kickers for 2013

14. Nate Freese, Boston College. He once lost a game to Duke.

Ranking the ACC's defensive backs for 2013

1. Al Louis-Jean Jr., Boston College. The 6-2, 195 pound defensive back was once committed to Miami and everything about Miami is awesome. The U is back, baby!!

Ranking the ACC's non-conference schedule

14. Boston College. Who travels to Las Cruces, New Mexico?

Ranking the ACC's mascots

13. Baldwin the Eagle, Boston College. Sure he can skate, but that's about all Baldwin has going for him. Well, that and he's not a fruit / color / blob-looking thing. So there's that too.

Ranking the ACC's school colors

14. Boston College. The Eagles' school colors are a bit antiquated and they totally ripped off Florida State! ... despite playing college football for 50+ years before Florida State.

Ranking the ACC's stadium concessions

14. Boston College. Who puts sesame seeds on a pretzel?

Ranking the ACC's cheerleaders

14. Boston College. As the Northernmost outpost* in the ACC, Boston College will always have a difficult time recruiting talent from outside its region.

Ranking the ACC's coaches last names

13. Steve Addazio, Boston College. Sounds kinda Italian and far too similar to "Spaziani," who finished with decreasing win totals in each of his four seasons on the Heights.

* In fact, Syracuse supplants Boston College as the northernmost school in the ACC. Syracuse is located at 43°02′49″N, while Chestnut Hill is less than a degree further south at 42°20′13″N. BC remains the eastern-most school in the conference, which is sure to negatively impact the Eagles football program's recruiting efforts for the rest of time. #AthlonLogic