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The 2012 Boston College Football Season As Super Mario Kart Courses

Yesterday freshman kicker Jake Wilhelm clued us in on what the team would be up to on a fine Sunday afternoon.

Maybe too old for you kids, but we played Super Mario Kart in college all the time. And not the Nintendo 64 or GameCube versions either. Straight up old school SNES Super Mario Kart. Jake's Tweet got me thinking. What if the opponents on the 2012 Boston College football schedule were Super Mario Kart courses?

Miami Hurricanes - Vanilla Lake 1. The third course in the Star Cup, Vanilla Lake is an ice-themed course that takes place on a frozen lake. The slippery ground makes it difficult to steer. If not careful, a player might drive into the water. Even though the course presents numerous challenges, Vanilla Lake 1 is a very short course, which may prove useful because I'm not sure how much of this game will actually be watchable.

Maine Black Bears - Mario Circuit 1. Mario Circuit 1 is the first course of the Mushroom Cup in Super Mario Kart. The only hazard in this level are the pipes that appear near the second turn of the course. The team should easily be able to make four left turns and a right and coast to victory in this one.

@ Northwestern Wildcats - Bowser Castle 1. Bowser Castle 1 is the fourth course in the Mushroom Cup. It's a very straightforward course, except for the the Thwomps that appear in groups of four and can crush the driver, making it impossible to drive for a few seconds. An apt metaphor for the talented group of 'Cats receivers, arguably the best receiving corps in the Big Ten.

Clemson Tigers - Ghost Valley 3. The third course in the Special Cup, Ghost Valley 3 provides numerous obstacles for drivers. The course has numerous holes in the track and hardly any siderails, causing drivers to go hurtling off into the Boo-filled abyss.

@ Army Black Knights - Donut Plains 1. If not for a lake that must be crossed by a bridge, Donut Plains 1 is a very manageable course. Though most of the lake is protected by barriers, there are a few places where a player can fall into the water. The large lake of mud towards the end of the track serves to slow the race down and cause drives difficulty in controlling their karts. Not unlike the Army triple-option attack.

@ Florida St. Seminoles - Rainbow Road. Rainbow Road is the last racecourse in the Special Cup and is easily the most challenging in the SNES version of the game. Rainbow Road features no guardrails whatsoever and sharp, 90-degree turns. The course also includes several consensus 5* recruits Star Thwomps which can wipe out a driver by touch alone.

@ Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets - Koopa Beach 2. Though Koopa Beach 2 is one of the shorter tracks in the game, it's also one of the more difficult. Deep pools of water and bouncing Cheep Cheeps are the dominant obstacles of this course.

Maryland Terrapins - Ghost Valley 1. The third course in the Mushroom Cup, Ghost Valley 1 features a rickety old bridge and several gaps in the track. The gaps are easily bypassed by several jump lines which allow the player to cross these obstacles. Unlike Ghost Valley 3, a good portion of the track is covered by guard edges, though running into the siderails will cause the edge to vanish and the player to fall off the stage.

@ Wake Forest Demon Deacons - Choco Island 1. Choco Island 1 is the first course in the Flower Cup, a short course that takes no more than 20 seconds to complete. Its hazards include Piranha Plants which force the driver to slide once contacted. The slippery mud can prove "tricky" to steer in, in addition to several small bumps in the road which can also slow down the kart.

Notre Dame Fighting Irish - Vanilla Lake 2. The fourth course in the Special Cup, Vanilla Lake 2 is a more difficult version of the Star Cup's Vanilla Lake 1 course. There are numerous opportunities to fall into the frozen lake in the middle of the course, while blocks and Warp pipes are sure to get in the way of the driver.

Virginia Tech Hokies - Bowser Castle 3. This course is held within Bowser's Castle and is surrounded by a big pool of lava. At one point, the course forks and gives the player one of three ways to go. Plus Frank Beamer kinda looks like Bowser, no?

@ N.C. State Wolfpack - Donut Plains 3. The first course in the Special Cup, Donut Plains 3 features a large lake and two separate bridges. Both bridges are without siderails making traversing the bridge quite difficult. Racers must be "disciplined" enough to remember to hop over a crack in the second bridge to avoid falling into the lake.