Have No Fear, Jack Parker Will Clean Up The Boston University Hockey Team

Other than losing to BC in the Beanpot, losing in the Hockey East tournament, and unceremoniously bowing out of the NCAA Tournament, BU's biggest headlines they created this year were off the ice. The two most notorious cases involved alleged sexual assault, and ended with Max Nicastro and Corey Trevino kicked off the team. With all this negativity surrounding his program, how does Coach Jack Parker plan on turning things around and giving his program a new image?

He is going to police the program himself.

No seriously, Jack Parker is planning on not only coaching the program, but also figuring out why the culture at BU is causing all these problems. Let's see what Detective Parker has figured out so far:

"We’ll look at everything we have to do to cover the correct pages and make sure that these kids handle their situation as a BU hockey player differently than they’re handling it. Or maybe they should handle it exactly the same, and this is an aberration. I know one thing for sure: This is not a BU hockey problem. This is not our culture, but I do believe drinking and rape charges and sexual assault and bad behavior permeates our society."

There you go. Just pass the buck and blame it on our culture as a whole. I am not going to make light of rape, or that it isn't prevalent, but saying that we have a culture of rape? Come on Jack, you have to better than that. These kids made terrible mistakes, take responsibility and just say that they "allegedly" were in situations they had no business being in, and that you will figure out ways for your team to relax, but without the whole breaking the law part.

Maybe he has an idea on how to fix it:

"We have very, very strict drinking rules compared to any team on this campus and any team in college sports I bet," Parker said. "Maybe that in and of itself is a problem. We can look at that. Maybe we shouldn’t have a rule that says you can only go out on Saturday nights, because maybe they go out too hard on Saturday nights because they can’t go out any other nights. . . . We will look at everything we’re doing."

So Detective Parker, let me follow your logic for a second. Two of your players were at parties, and drank too much, and then were accused of sexual assault. So now you want to allow the entire team to drink more? Great idea, that sounds really proactive and promising. Maybe you can provide them the booze too, because the stress of finding the booze is causing them to drink too much. Make Red Dog the official beer of the Terriers, the advertising writes itself, and in return they provide your players with beer. Or hey, maybe you can rent out a bar each week, and your can be the bartender/bouncer/etc. Just throwing some ideas out there for you Jack. Feel free to steal any or all of them.

All of this is in response to BU's internal task force that was created to look into the program. A group created with a wide variety of viewpoints will come together and try to create a plan. But will Detective Parker be open to their suggestions?

"I can understand the rationale to want to let everybody know that we’re sincere about this process and we’re going to look into it," Parker said. "If they were calling people in and saying, ‘Okay, take a number. Come in to the room where the task force is and tell us some information,’ that’s one thing.

"If you’re calling 40 people in a room, this is going to be like talk radio. They will get some information in there, but they’ll get much more worthwhile information from the other things they’ll be doing."

Doesn't sound promising, that sounds more like "Hey shut up, leave me alone and let me do my own thing" or in Jack Parker's case "GET OFF MY LAWN". But don't worry, history has shown that internal policing has been effective time and time again. Just look at the Catholic Church, Major League Baseball (steroid testing), and Penn State. Oh wait, nevermind.