[Ed. note - Bumped to front page due to awesomness]
(My network has interecepted an email from septuagenarian O.C. Gary Tranquill to the oldest sophomore QB in America, David Shinskie. For the benefit of the Boston College community, I have provided it below.)
Dear Uncle Dave,
What a mistake it was to get involved with an older man. Not that I am a spring chicken, I'm 70 - but I swear, I almost believe you enjoy embarrassing me in public. Seriously, the first shutout since 1998? I can't take it anymore. It's over. We're done. You are no longer my QB-1.
Not that you ever really were my guy. Our facebook relationship status was always it's complicated. I was ready to commit to you just a few weeks ago, but you handled it the worst way possible. You did just the bare minimum to string me along. It was never great with you, just always just enough. And your high maintenance ways made it difficult to consider my other options.
But you always rang me late at night, talking up your strong million dollar arm. Let me tell you something, I was once the QB coach of the Rhein Fire, I have been with bigger arms.
I think I could look past all of that. Here is the deal breaker: you just stare at other people. It's ok to look. I actually think that you looking around makes things interesting for us. But you. You just stare, and it is embarrassing me. Virginia Tech thought they could score whenever they wanted because you just stared at other people and gave it up.
You say you are going to change, but you have been doing the same thing for well over a year now. You promised me you would change after you fell over yourself when we visited with Clemson. (Ohh how I have tried to forget that day.) You promised to change after we went on vacation to San Francisco, where your staring allowed those guys from Southern California to have their way.
It is like when Oprah quotes Maya Angelou, ""When people show you who they are...believe them." I can see now that nothing has changed. And I can't expect anything to change. So pack up, and go sit on that bench over there. It is over between us.
It has been emotional.
- GT Da OC